From a young age we are taught how to speak kindly to others. While kindness and compassion for others are timeless topics to teach our kiddos, we were never taught how to give ourselves the same consideration.
❤️ No one ever taught me to speak kindly to me.
❤️ No one ever explained how I could show myself the same compassion I so naturally give to others.
❤️ No one ever told me that cheering myself on was more motivating than beating myself up.
For so many years, I beat myself up every time I missed the mark on achieving a goal. I was so critical and judgmental of myself.
Now, you might say this tactic worked. On paper my life looked really good but inside I was hurting. And the person causing that pain was me.
In my coaching practice, self-confidence – this awesome alchemy of self-awareness, self-love, trust and belief in self – is at the heart of everything I do because when you know, love, trust, and believe in yourself you can live a LIMITLESS life.
Learning to speak kindly to yourself is critical for cultivating confidence. To start to master this skill you must:
Tune In: Start tuning in to the thoughts that are running through that beautiful brain of yours, this is your self-talk script – the way in which you speak to you. The best way to find the lines of this script is to start journaling. This gives you a written “evidence file" of what you are thinking and how you talk to you.
Hold up. I see you. I see you wanting to get all judgey about the thoughts you think. That's not going to help the whole kind and compassionate vibe we are aiming to achieve here! Just notice what you’re thinking. Do you like how it makes you feel?
Would you say the same thing to your best friend?
To your daughter?
If not, then why talk to yourself that way?
Tune Out: Notice any thoughts that make you feel doubtful, insecure, or absolutely awful? See above, don't judge yourself or beat yourself up for thinking these thoughts. Start challenging those thoughts that make you feel anything less than wonderful and WORTHY. You can do this by simply thanking your brain and saying, “I am choosing not to believe that.”
Tune Up: Notice any thoughts that make you feel courageous, capable and fiercely confident? Jackpot, my friend. These are the ones you want to crank up the volume on! When say to yourself “You got this” or “I believe in you” you will completely change the way you feel. When you change the way feel, you change the way you show up. And that’s how you change your life and become the most confident version of you.
Photo of my kiddo, reminding me that if I wouldn't say it to HER then I shouldn't say it to me either...