I planned my day meticulously, carving out time for my workout, pre-school time with the kiddos, working and then a class at 1:00 on Zoom. I had the log-in details in my calendar so I could arrive on-time with just one click. So, at 12:58 I clicked and waited for the Zoom to begin.
The link didn’t work.
I clicked again. Same result.
No worries, I will pull up the website and find the link.
Go to the site, click the link, same result. Do it again. Do it again.
I remember the old saying, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
I do it again anyway.
I’m late. I’m late and I suck. No, I don’t suck, this class sucks. Why isn’t this link working? Why would the school’s website not have the right link? This school is ill-equipped. They sent out a bad link and THEY are making me late. I am out of my league. I can’t even get this right. I am useless.
I wouldn’t talk like this to anyone! Why am I saying this to myself?
I am now feeling flustered, frustrated, beaten down and annoyed. With the school, with myself, with it all.
I take a breath to get some needed mental space from these thoughts and message a mate who responds in moments with the correct link.
1:03. I’m on.
I manage to put the thought aside for the next hour so I can get the results I wanted from the class. And I did. Afterwards, those feelings of frustration, annoyance, being flustered and beaten down are gone.
But those thoughts and feelings will come back. Of course, they will…I am human. Whether it’s an incorrect link, a fight with my hubby, or any other myriad emotional pothole that I think up. And I am sure that there will be days that I can’t come back after three minutes. Some may take three hours, some may take three days. Some potholes have been in my life for over 30 years. But now that I have some awareness around them, I am far less afraid of the damage they will cause.
Just realizing that it was those THOUGHTS that were making me feel bad was a huge step. Once you make this connection you get back so much authority in your own life. It’s not the situation that makes you feel sad, mad, flustered, or frustrated. It’s your thoughts about it. It’s incredibly empowering to realize you are the only one capable of making you feel anything.
So, what will you do with that responsibility?