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The Subtlety of Self-Love

On my journey towards self-love and self-acceptance I kept waiting for a massive shift in me. A sign that I was now fixed, whole and completely lovable. Worthy and fearless. Worthy of my own love, worthy of the love I so abundantly received from others. Free from all the doubt that always plagued me as I chased dreams and faced fears.

I was doing everything “right”, but I didn’t feel the massive shift that I assumed would come with this perceived transformation of someone who made the choice daily to love and accept herself.

I thought maybe I needed to journal more. Meditate more. Repeat my morning mantras with more vigor. Then perhaps I would feel the massive shift.

And then I realized something I had been missing.

Self-love is subtle. Self-love is soft. Self-love is warm and gentle, not loud or overpowering. Self-love is a constant presence.

On the other hand, self-doubt is nagging and comes in like a tidal wave. I could always hear self-doubt – its voice booming in my head, telling me what I couldn’t achieve, didn’t deserve, or shouldn’t attempt every time I dared to dream.

Fear. Anxiety. They too were dominant voices in my head. Their presence so obviously known when they were part of the conversation.

Why couldn’t self-love match their enthusiasm?

It just wasn’t her style. She may not be the loudest voice in the room, but she is the most powerful. She is one that commands attention, but first I had to choose to listen to her.

And her message wasn’t that I was now fixed, whole and completely lovable. It was that I was never broken, incomplete or anything less than lovable. It was a message of unshakable belief in me. Her voice was calm and confident.

Fear, anxiety and doubt are loud because they want us to think they are urgent. That they are very important. Necessary.

They are not.

At some point in life, I believed that they served a purpose and that their voice was the one I should listen to. That I could bully and beat myself into being better. At some point in life that might’ve served me, but today I choose to tune in to self-love instead.

You can too.

She’s always there. And she will never steer you wrong. She will always have your back.

Can you hear her?

If not, it’s time to turn up the volume…

If you need help writing your own love story (with you), I can help you. While the results from coaching vary from person to person, one universal outcome is loving and believing in yourself. Grab a spot on my calendar or email me at and we can kick-off the greatest love story of your life.

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